I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
