I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
