At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
