I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
