My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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