Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
