new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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