u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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