toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
