She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
