dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
