I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
