i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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