Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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