So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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