He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
