I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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