Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
