He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
