On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize