Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
are you so shy because you have an std?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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