I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
