I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
