you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
