and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
