I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
