she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
