I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
