Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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