he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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