absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
