he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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