He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
