the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
