so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
