if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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