How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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