I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just had sex on a roof
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
