I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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