Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
