Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
