Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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