I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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