Someone shit on the floor
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
