can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize