Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Quick, to the slutcave!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
