I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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