Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
