yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
