You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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