her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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