i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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