Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
