I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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