Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
