I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We got so high we made milksteak
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
