Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
