omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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