My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize