I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
