Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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