I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
