for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
