I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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