Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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