Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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